Resolving interpersonal conflict

As Bolton says ‘To be human is to experience conflict’ (1986). Interpersonal conflict is a daily part of human existence, no matter which age you are in. The only difference is how we deal with those conflicts. To survive and gain success in this competitive world, we need to avoid these interpersonal conflicts.

Conflict occurs between us because we are different, with different needs and wants. Therefore, the key cause of conflict is the degree to which individuals are different. Interpersonal conflict usually arises from six basic issues: control over resources, preferences and nuisances, values, beliefs, goals and the nature of the relationship between the partners.

Despite some negative effects of conflict like larger problems and deeper personal resentments may occur, there are positive effects like people can release their feelings and increases motivation and self-esteem. However, the negative effects may occupy a large proportion of feelings of people.

What can we do to resolve the conflicts? Generally, we should respect others. It might be difficult especially when people are aggressive and argue about something. We need control our attitude and avoid worse situation. We should extend to other the respect that we wish others to extend to us. Empathy is one important manner we should learn and apply to our life. Listening to others' content such as ideas, needs, proposals, position, and listening to their feelings, also try to see the situation from their point of view. It is not necessary for us to agree with them, but we need make effort to understand them. Always keep calm and state your own opinion. Brainstorm all the possible solutions and choose the one that will best meet both parties’ needs and consider possible consequences.

Different people have different style of conflict management. For passive or non-assertive style of people, they choose to avoid the conflict or not respond to it. It is good that you usually do not get direct rejection or blame, and people will not be hurt with rough attitude or language. In the other hand, you may store up a heavy load of resentment and anger and people will never know your needs and wants. For aggressive style of people, they may move against another with the intent to hurt. It seems they can get control of their life by getting what they want, however, their behaviour wind up for them a lot of enemies. They will scare about losing what they have now and in the end, they create their own destruction. Last but not least, for people deal with conflict in assertive style are smart and work out effectively. They can receive success as well without making others mad and they can easily control the entire situation. However, we cannot deny that this style of conflict management may take some risk in how others perceive them, thus they may get hurt with disappointment in some of the relationships.